


Only You

by Magichemistry



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, LIKE IN EVERY CHAPTER, Oral Sex, Smut, Supply Room Sex, as I post each chapter, i'll be updating the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-03-27 21:13:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13889232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magichemistry/pseuds/Magichemistry
Summary: The news of Kylo Ren getting married with a princess shouldn’t affect you, a simple technician. But as his fuck buddy you’re not sure how to take the news.





	1. Don’t ask what you don’t want to know

"Did you hear?" Caroline, your partner, asks you as she hands you a wrench.

"Hear what?" you're sitting on the floor, concentrating in the control panel you're supposed to fix. Caroline and you are technicians working for the First Order. Five years ago there were no jobs at your planet, decided to not starve yourself, you decided to apply for this job and luckily got it.

"Supreme Leader is going to get married" your friend loves to gossip. You suppose it's her way to not die of boredom here in this ship.

The wrench you have in your hand crashes down the floor. "What?" you haven’t heard any rumors of that kind. "What are you talking about?"

"I heard it this morning. Some chick from Human Resources was saying that he was engaged to a princess from I don’t which planet" she tells you excited. This girl really loves to gossip.

"Oh" you try to keep your emotions in line. "Whatever, it won’t affect us. We're very down on the chain”.

"Pooper" Caroline sticks her tongue out because you didn’t follow her game.

* * *

 After a nine hour shift you drag your tired steps to your quarters, it was a busy day with tons of things to repair: a broken control panel, a leaking faucet, a glass window, etc. You've just said goodbye to Caroline, she invited you to her quarters to watch a movie but you told her you were too tired today.

Since the gossip she told you you felt a strange heaviness in your chest, but you repeated yourself all day that in the end it was just a mere gossip. If something like this happened, he would have told you.

You throw your holopad to your bed, ready to take a shower to relax your body when the device pings.

_Kylo Ren: Come see me_

If someone would check your history conversation they would find tons of messages like that one and some of yours saying "ok", "yes", "too tired".

_You: Coming_

You finish typing the message and you run to the bathroom to brush your teeth and make yourself look a little decent. You stay in your grey jumpsuit in case someone sees you in the hallways, you don’t want to arouse suspicion.

 

* * *

 "Hey" Kylo greets you when he opens his quarters’ door. He's shirtless wearing black trousers that they hang on his hips.

"Hi" you greet him back feeling all giddy. You've knocked at this door thousand of times but nerves still bubble inside of you. You follow him inside, already knowing the way to his bedroom.

"Take that awful jumpsuit. You're killing the mood" he jokes. The first time he mentioned how unflattery the uniform was you reminded him it was mandatory clothes and if I hated it so much, then he should change it.

You roll your eyes and unzip your jumpsuit, rolling it down you get out of it. Kylo's pupils darken more when you see your black lace underwear.

"Naughty technician. Wearing that under your uniform" he approaches you and hugs you by your ass. "Are you trying to sleep with your boss?"

"I already did" you say sensually and lick his bottom lip with the tip of your tongue.

"Jump" Kylo groans and lifts you by your bum with your legs securing him.

"Oww" you complain when he let you fall in the mattress. He's on top of you sucking at your neck, his hand already fighting with your underwear.

"Mmm baby girl, you're always so wet" he moans when he slides a finger inside of you. Your pussy is making wet noises. You buck your hips enjoying the sensation of being penetrated by his finger and spread your legs more.

He retracts his finger and takes it to his mouth, sucking it making a "pop" noise. Then he kneels in front of you and lowers his trousers, ready to fuck you. He moves your thong aside and push inside of you.

"I swear you have the prettiest pussy" he pants, imbibed watching his cock making its way. "Look at your clit" he tells you and you lift your head to see how's entering you. "So pretty, baby girl."

"Mhm" you whimper and put your head back in the pillow. Kylo lifts your left leg to fuck you deeper. He peppers kisses on your calve as he crashes his hips hard.

Next, he lets go of your leg and he gets on top of you, you grab him by his ass so he can reach deeper with his cock, you grind against his pubic bone and feel your cunt spamming.

"No, Kylo, you're not a cat!" you laugh as you feel he's licking one side of your face.

"You taste good" he changes his mouth to your earlobe. "Do you want me to touch your clit?" he remembers what you like.

"Yes!" you whimper, eyes shut down. You bent your knees and spread your legs more, you want to be as close as possible to him.

"That's it, come on my cock" he rubs your clit roughly, forcing the orgasm out of you. You feel like you're fastly falling until your pleasure reaches its maximum point. "That's my good girl, look at her, coming on my cock" he praises you, sometimes you think dirty talking is his major kink.

"Now it's my turn to come in this pretty pussy" he moans out of breath, he's thrusting hard and fast, his balls bouncing against you. With a last deep groan let's go and comes inside of you.

"Oh fuck, that was good" he sighs out of breath.

"It was" you chuckle and comb his hair. This after sex cuddles is what you love the most. "Are you getting married?" you remember what Caroline told you earlier.

"Who told you that?" he slips out of you and his face turns into scowl.

"There are some rumors" you suddenly find his weight on top of you uncomfortable.

"I was going tell you. Hux and the others think is a good idea if I marry someone from the royalty" he lays next you, looking at the roof.

So they weren’t rumors or gossip, Kylo Ren is getting married with a princess. Of course, how could you be so stupid thinking what you have was serious?

"I see" you make an effort to not sound hurt. "I have to go" you stand up abruptly.

"You're not going to stay the night?" Kylo asks you. He was thinking about ordering dinner and then have round two.

"No" you're already putting your ugly jumpsuit on. "I already agreed with Caroline to see some movies".

"Are you mad?" Kylo isn’t sure why you're acting like this. Apparently the Force isn’t very useful in this situation.

"No, why should I be?" you end zipping your uniform. "We're just fuck buddies. I didn’t think we were gonna get married or something" you laugh, trying to downplay the issue. "I mean, look at me, I'm no princess" you point at yourself, like showing him "I'm nothing, I don’t matter".

"There is still one month left for the wedding" he's half sitting on the bed. "We can still see each other".

Yeah and host your bachelor party, right? But if you say it, it'll only show you're jealous. And you're not jealous. You're not. For real.

"Yeah" you nod. "I see you around" you walk to the door feeling your heart shrugging from pain.


	2. Go fuck yourself. P.S. I miss you

Time is subjective. Sometimes an hour feels like one minute and sometimes one month feels like a year. The last month has felt that way. But work doesn’t know about the sorrows of the heart, you still have a job to do, with your toolbox and your ugly jumpsuit fixing things around the ship.

Since the night Kylo told you he was indeed getting married you decided to not go back to him. Your holopad is full of messages, each more insistent than the previous one. You promised him you'll still see each other so he kept sending you the typical " _come see me_ ". But when you didn’t reply his messages changed to "Something's wrong?" and "I miss you".

Some nights you stare at the screen, your thumbs doing a silly dance close to the keyboard, tempted to answer him. Your imaginary answers are varied, from an "I miss you too" to "Go and fuck yourself".

* * *

 

"Can you believe that they didn’t give us the day off?" your friend Caroline is complaining one more time. Today is the wedding of Kylo Ren with a princess and even though Caroline doesn’t have the day free she's willing to do the least today at her job.

"Why should they give it to us? It's not like we're invited" you're connecting two cables to make a monitor work.

"They gave it to almost everyone! Even to the lieutenants!" she exclaims. Honestly, you rather stay busy today with bored tasks.

"Can we stop talking about that wedding?" it seems that your friend is determined that you think of Kylo at all time.

"I didn’t even want to go. Bunch of uptight boring people" she finishes the conversation.

* * *

 

At lunchtime your holopad makes a sound indicating you have a new message. You wonder if it's a new task, you leave your sandwich on the plate and you open it.

_Kylo Ren: I know it's my wedding day and all but I just wanted to tell you I miss you and I wish I could feel your naked skin against mine in this very moment. I wish I had one more night with you, if I had known the last time we saw each other that you wouldn’t come back, I would have done everything to make you stay._

You stop chewing and you have to read the message again to make sure it wasn’t sent to the wrong number. You look around to see if someone is playing some kind of sick joke at you but you're alone at the cafeteria. Like Caroline said, almost everyone was given the day off.

"What in the ...?" you think.

* * *

 

You know what they say that when the person you're in love with lives through something you can feel it even if you're apart? Like if they suffering or dying your heart senses it? Well, that's complete bullshit. You can’t be sure at what time he said "I do" because you didn’t get an invitation. Uptight boring people, who wanted to go to that party? But it's already night so you're pretty sure Kylo Ren is already a married man.

You haven’t even cry all this time, you just feel empty. Kylo's written words echoing in your head. At the end you decided to not text him back, what would you say anyway? He wrote "I wish ..." not "I'm not getting married", nothing would have made the difference at that point. Probably the text was just his nerves talking.

You hear someone is knocking at your door and you pray that it isn’t Caroline to gossip more about a wedding of which the two don’t know anything about.

"What in the ...?" you repeat for the second time in the day. Kylo Ren is at your door, still wearing his tuxedo.

"Hey, I'm ... I" he scratches the back of his neck trying to find the right words.

"What are you doing here?" you grab him by his shirt and drag him to your quarters. What if someone sees Supreme Leader, still in his wedding clothes, at the door of a technician?

"I wanted to see you" he begins to explain.

"It's your wedding night" you reproach him.

"I know, I know, but… I wanted to spend it with you".

"You want to spend your wedding night with a woman that is not your wife?" just saying the sentence aloud makes you feel ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense. "How much champagne did you drink?"

"Almost a bottle but I'm not drunk" he answers quickly. "I don’t like her" he refers to his wife.

"Not my problem, dude" you're nobody's shrink and you have enough mental entanglements to carry someone else's.

"She's so boring, she’s hollow. She's not you" he lets out what he's been thinking since he saw her walking to the aisle.

"It's not me who chose her" you really don’t understand what can you do about Kylo not liking his wife.

"Me neither!" Kylo protests. "It was Hux. He thought making an alliance with her planet would be good".

"Kylo" you sigh exhausted. "I don’t really know what you want me to do".

"I meant what I said in the text" his face turned serious.

"It's too late" you whisper.

"No, it's not" he takes two long steps and he's in front of you. "Let me show you" he pleads leaving a kiss in your lips.

His mouth is like black magic working on you because as soon as you feel his lips against yours you forget everything from this day and the last month.

“You look so handsome in that suit” you stand on your tiptoes and grab the lapels of the suit.

“Does it turns on you, baby girl? I could fuck you in it, you all naked and me wearing it” he says in a sexy raspy voice.

“Tempting” you say between kisses.

“Your body is tempting” he takes off your baggy shirt that you use as pajamas and walks you to bed until your knees bump against it.

“Are you gonna take my panties off this time?” you crawl on the bed like a cat, letting your ass in display for him.

He kneels behind you and rips off the fabric of the panties. “Does that answers your question?”

You giggle and lay down on your stomach, pretending you’re ignoring him.

“Just like that, baby girl. You know how I love when you pretend I’m not even here” he spanks you and you feel your butt cheek burning. He discard his clothes leaving them on the floor. Next he grabs you by your thighs and puts you in fours thrusting his tongue inside your pussy.

“Kylo” you pathetically whimper his name as he explores your insides with his tongue, drinking all your wetness.

“I needed my dose, baby. I didn’t taste you for a month” he wipes his mouth and grabs you making you lay on your left side and he lying behind you.

He lifts your leg and push his cock inside of you, you open your mouth in a mix of pain and pleasure. “Fuck, baby. You missed me. Your cunt practically swallowed my cock” he moans as he feels your walls tighten around him. He pinches your nipples merciless as he continues pounding on you, his tongue tracing circles in your neck and his teeth sinking in your skin.

“Touch my clit, please” you beg him and his hand goes immediately to your little button, rubbing it at the exact pace you like.

“You’re my real wife” he pants fucking you with fast movements. “I love you, (Y/N). I fucking love you”.

Your orgasm hits you fast and hard when you hear those words and you twist on the bed feeling you’re going to die from this. But Kylo’s arms are strong to keep you in place. You barely feel when Kylo comes, your limbs not responding to you. After a moment he takes out his soft dick out of you and hugs you against him.

“Why did you say that?” you say still with your back turn.

“Say what?” he kisses your neck again.

“Don’t play dumb” you scold him.

“Because it’s true” he doesn’t add more.

You feel anger invading you and turn around to look at him. “So what? Did you realize you were in love with me just now?”

“Not right now” he mumbles. “When I stopped seeing you”.

You can’t believe this, you get out of the bed not wanting to be near him. “Just when you can’t have me anymore it’s when you decide you’re in love with me” you accuse him with your finger.

“It’s not like that, baby girl” he tries to explain himself.

“Get out. What the fuck are you even doing here? Go with your wife” common sense has return to you. You just had sex with a married man.  

“But I don’t want to!” he yells like a child throwing a tantrum.

“Again. Not my problem” you put your shirt back on. “You’re the one who decided to get married. Now suck it up, go with her and get used to it”. You walk to the bathroom and before you close the door you say “I don’t want to see you here when I get out”.

Kylo sighs defeated and starts getting dressed. He just said he loves you, why can’t you have him back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi to me: tumblr.com/bad--bad--man


	3. I want Kylo, not Matt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt is finally here!

**“** I bet they’ll be parents by the end of the year” Caroline sighs taking another spoonful from her breakfast.

“I highly doubt it” you snort remembering how two nights ago Kylo refused to sleep with his wife.

“Why?” she looks at you.

“Em…he’s probably super busy and all that”

Caroline considers your words for a moment and nods saying “Maybe”, then she takes the spoon to her mouth.

“Hi, I’m Matt. I’m a radar technician” a familiar voice interrupts the conversation with your friend. You snap your head up to see who’s the owner of that voice and what you find leaves you with your mouth open. Kylo Ren is standing in the middle of the cafeteria but he’s wearing the same uniform as yours, some big glasses and a blonde wig?

“What in the…?” you whisper to yourself. This man makes you keep saying that.

“Hi, Matt” Caroline shouts and shakes her hand. “We’re technicians too”.

“Caroline, no” you kick her leg under the table but it’s too late, “Matt” is already walking to your table.

“Hi” Matt greets you in a monotone voice and sits in front of you.

“Hi, Matt. I’m Caroline and this is (Y/N)” your friend is excited that someone new is on the team so she can gossip more.

“Nice to meet you” he says without taking his eyes off of you. “I didn’t know technicians were so cute”.

“Aww thanks, Matt!” Caroline smiles but Matt snaps his head at her and replies angry “I didn’t mean you, Caroline”.

Caroline’s smile fades from her face and you hear her mutter something like “rude”.

“I have to go” you stand up with your tray of food. “See ya’, Caroline” you make very clear you’re ignoring him. You walk to the garbage can and empty the leftovers.  

“(Y/N) wait!” Matt reaches you at the exit.

“Listen, Matt” you spit out your words. “I don’t know what you pretend but leave me the fuck alone”. You turn around not waiting for him to reply.

* * *

“Seriously?” you whine when you see “Matt” next to the calcinator you’re supposed to fix. “Where’s Caroline?”

“She was assigned to another area of the ship. You’ll be working with me today” Matt grins at you.

“Kylo” you sigh exasperated. “What are you doing?”, you’re so tired of his games.

“I’m Matt. Now can we get to work?” he says clearly annoyed.

“Pass me the toolbox” you give up and kneel in front of the calcinator. The sooner you finish this the sooner you’ll be away from “Matt”.

“So, since when do you work here?” Matt asks as you have your head stuck up inside looking for some cables. He’s leaning against a wall with his arms crossed not doing anything. Meanwhile you roll your eyes and try no to electrocute yourself. This man has to be delusional, does he really wants you to believe he’s Matt? Or did he hit his head and woke up thinking he was a technician?

“Your ass looks nice from here” he smirks sure he’ll get a reaction from you.

“Ow” you hit your head when you hear him and stand up ready to punch him in the face. But a stormtrooper walks between you and kicks your wrench. You can hear his laugh through his helmet.

“Hey, jerkface” Matt yells at him. The soldier not used to the technicians to fight backreturns and squares up bumping against Matt.

“Who do you think you’re talking to, technician?” even if his voice is distorted by the helmet the contempt is evident.

“You kicked her wrench” Matt is a tall guy and he’s not backing off.

“Yeah, so?” the trooper snorts.

You can see the tension about to explode between these two so you decide to intervene.

“Matt” you grab him by the arm. “It’ ok, just let him go. It was an accident”.

“Listen to your girlfriend, technician” this stormtrooper is signing his death sentence.

“Matt, please” you plead him not wanting to cause a commotion. “Please” you insist.

Matt senses the desperation in your voice because he steps back and taking your toolbox says “Let’s get out of here”.

* * *

“Are you bullied like that often?” Matt decides to speak after the altercation.

“All the technicians are” you shrug as you walk through a long hallway. “It’s not big deal, they never do more than that”.

“Why did you never tell me?” Matt stops and turns to look at you.

“And when I was supposed to tell you? When you were fucking me from behind or when I had your dick in my mouth?” you snap at him, why does he suddenly insist on being interested in you when everything you did was fuck?  

“I could have done something” he looks down in shame realizing he doesn’t know a lot of things going on in your life.

“You’ve done enough. I’m taking my break” you hurry your steps. You don’t even bother to take your toolbox from him.

* * *

You thought that the week in which there was a general blackout was the worst but now that you have Matt stalking you all day you have changed your mind. Wherever you turn he’s always there and it’s even worse when your schedule “magically” changes so you team up with him.

You needed at least five minutes away from Matt so this supply room is the perfect hiding place. Doesn’t he has work to do as Supreme Leader? And as a husband? Why does he insist on fooling around disguised as a technician?

Your thoughts are interrupted by the creak of the door being opened. Oh shit, you thought you put the lock, now you have to stay quiet in the darkness hoping they don’t discover you.

“(Y/N)?” Matt says out loud. Fuck me, of all people it had to be him. Maybe if you stay very quiet and not move he’ll go away.

“(Y/N) I know you’re here, I can sense you”. Oh so now the Force works to sense you? Why doesn’t he use it to understand how you feel?

“Yes, Matt?” you say with your jaw clenched.

“We have work to do. Have you forgotten?” he says in a condescending tone.

“Fuck you” you just want to erase that shitty grin he must have right now off of his face with a slap.

“If you insist” he says before he corners you against the wall crashing his mouth against yours.

“Haven’t you missed me?” he breaths against your mouth. “My cock and I have missed you”. He grinds his crotch against you so you can feel his growing bulge.

“Kylo, no …” you weakly protest remembering he’s a married man and you don’t want to be anyone’s lover.

“Shhh” he shushes you with another kiss. “I’m not Kylo, I’m Matt, remember? Kylo is married, Matt is not” he finishes taking away the conflict inside your head.

“Take that awful jumpsuit, you’re killing the mood” you give him back his old joke.

“You like it” he lowers his head to your neck. “You like being hidden here knowing I’m about to fuck you good”.

You open your mouth but words don’t come out, he’s right about everything. The only reason why you don’t stand Matt is because you have to be around him without being able to do anything.

Matt lets you go for a moment to take off his clothes and you take the opportunity to do the same. You just hope he didn’t forget to put the lock on.

“Mmmm” he moans as his tongue invades your mouth. He grabs your legs and lifts you, putting you against the wall. When his cock brushes your pussy you buck your hips whining. “No foreplay today, baby girl? Someone is desperate”.

“Please, please” you beg him. You don’t know what this man does to you, but one minute you hate him and the next one you’re begging him to fuck you.

“Here, baby” he says as he enters you. “Take all my cock.”

You cross your legs behind him pushing him by the ass so he can put his whole cock inside of you. You let out a long moan of satisfaction for having him once again inside you.

“Naughty technician” he pants in the crook of your neck. “Letting someone fuck you in a supply room”. You grab his back trying to balance yourself so you can buck your hips against his, his thrusts are long and deep.

“Kylo, touch my clit” you ask your usual petition.

“Wrong name, baby” he keeps fucking you and you feel you’re close, you just need his fingers in your clit.

“Matt, please” you whine and he puts you back on the floor. “I can’t reach it like this. Turn around. Put your hands against the wall”.

“Ass up” he grabs your butt lifting it to his cock, you’re with your hands on the wall like he told you and your back arched.

“Shit, you feel so much better like this” he moans as his dick is back inside of you. This new angle allows his tip to brush against your g-spot feeling your pleasure intensified. Then one of his hands rub your niples and the other looks for your nub. He finds it swollen and pulsing.

“Kylo” you scream with your head thrown back. Your orgasm starts low and it gets stronger as it pulses through your body. You knees buckle and you’re about to fall down when Kylo’s arms catches you. Kylo puts his forehead against your head and lets go, feeling how your cunt is milking him.

When you’re down from your climax he put a trail of hair behind your year and kisses your cheek. He’s careful when he releases you, making sure you won’t fall down again. As soon as his cock is away from you, shame and regret fills your body, last time you promised yourself you wouldn’t have sex with him anymore and now his seed is running down your thigh.

You put your clothes back on in silence, you’re thankful that it’s dark because you can feel the tears sliding down through your face.

“What’s wrong?” Kylo asks you as he turns on the light.

“Nothing” you tore your gaze away, ashamed that he’s seeing you breaking down.

“Ok” he shrugs. That’s the thing you hate the most about him, even though he can see there’s something wrong he doesn’t do anything to solve it or at least listen to you.

“You don’t understand” you sob, feeling your chest constricted, not being able to keep your feelings inside anymore. “I want Kylo, not Matt.” It feels like your tears are made from laser and they disintegrate your soul.

“I know” he looks down sadly, realizing this roleplay has gone too far.

You stare at him waiting for him to say something else but it’s you the one who’s wrong, always waiting something from him he has never given you. You’re just a quick fuck for him and like an idiot you fell in love. His words of love last time don’t mean anything, it’s his acts that tell you the truth. And the truth is he’s a married man, tired of his wife and too coward to leave her, looking for fun and distraction in you.

“I have to go” you wipe your tears not caring about your makeup. “I have some stuff to do”.

“Ok” he says again, pretending he believes you. “I’m gonna stay here for a little while”.

“Goodbye, Kylo” somehow you know this is the final parting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t put the warnings on the tags because I don’t wanna spoil the plot. However, if you’re afraid it might have some triggers for you, I wrote them at the end of the chapter.

Sometimes you hold into a small problem to deny the monster of a problem in front of you. The worst thing you thought that could happen to you was to become the mistress of a married man, but  as always, the worst that can happen to you is what you don’t expect.

Unlike the previous time, your holopad is empty of messages from Kylo, the last time you spoke with him was in that supply room and you haven’t seen him again.

His character Matt didn’t return to appear by the levels in which you work and as Supreme Leader he isn’t going to lower himself so much as to be seen among tecnicians. It’s better like this, not seeing him at all. You know you’re strong and worst things have happened to you, you might not be okay right now but you’re sure you’ll be eventually.

“26, 27, 28” you count for fifth time at your calendar in your holopad. You were sure your period should have arrived two weeks ago. Your cycle isn’t totally regular but you have never had a delay of so many days. It’s weird but you’ve read that emotional changes affect hormones and that’s what happened to you lately. You’re optimistic your period will come next month.

One month later and your period is not here for the second time, you haven’t even had your typical pms symptoms: hunger and cramps. There’s a sentence ronding in your mind that you deny to say out loud, but after two months of no blood in your panties it’s time to make an appointment at the medical bay. That’s the main reason you’ve delaying this so much, you can’t get a test to find the truth in the privacy of your room, no, the First Order thinks you belong to them and if you want to know if you’ re… you know, what you don’t dare to say, you have to do a blood test.

One day before your appointment you set your alarm at 6.30 am, you have to be there at 7.00 am on an empty stomach. You lay in your bed, trying not to think much about that, the thing you don’t dare to say, but before closing your eyes you touch your tummy and leave your hands on top of it.

* * *

“I’ll be with you shortly, Ms. (L/N)” the doctor smiles at your profesionally and leaves the tiny room carrying your blood in a little tube. That’s the only thing you like when you come here, that the doctors treat everyone the same and with respect.

After you count fifteen minutes in the clock hanging at the wall, the doctor opens the door carrying now a sheet of paper.

“Your exam results are here, Ms. (L/N)” she sits at her desk and hand you the paper.

“Thanks” you say and you start reading what it says but it’s full of numbers and words too complicated for you to understand it.

“You’re nine weeks pregnant” the doctor clarifies when she sees your face of confusion. Shit. She just had say what you didn’t dare to say.

“I’m pregnant” the sentence sounds more like a question. You had just say what you didn’t dare to say.

“Indeed. Now, I need to know which option will you choose” she opens her holopad and starts typing your name.

“Options?” you have no idea what she’s talking about, you’re still processing her previous words.

“When you signed the contract to work here there was a clause specifying that in case of pregnancy there would be two options: terminate the pregnancy or give birth to the product and deliver it to the stormtrooper training program” she says with no emotion. How can be so calm about this? So heartless? Correction. There’s nothing you like about coming to the medic bay.

“I … I don’t know” you break down and begin to cry between your hands. This is worst than just being pregnant, how can you choose between those options for your baby?

The doctor seems to be not completely heartless because seeing your cry says “You know what? I don’t normally do this but I can give you a day to think about it”. She takes pity of you. “But I’ll wait for you here tomorrow for whatever you choose. For an eco gram or a cutterage”.

* * *

You can’t remember the walk back to your quarters or when you change to your pajamas, it’s like you detached from yourself and only now, laying in your bed, your mind has come back to your body. The doctor gave you a medical receipt to had the day off, otherwise you don’t think you could have gone to work. You’re still crying but this time in silence, you just let your tears run free without sobbing. You don’t know at what time you fall asleep.

You wake up suddenly, your current situation coming back at your mind slowly. You haven’t eaten anything but you feel too exhausted to get out of bed to look for some food. You search for your holopad with your hand and you find it on the floor, maybe it’s because of everything that happened in the day but you hope to have a message from Kylo.

11.37 pm you read at the screen with zero new messages. You’re so stupid for missing him when he was part guilty of you being in this.

You don’t see the point on telling him you’re pregnant with a baby of him, it’s like a bad soap opera: the technician falling in love and getting pregnant from the rich hot guy. You can’t believe your luck of being on the pill and still getting pregnant, the doctor explained to you that sometimes these things happen and nobody knows why.

You sigh laying on your side, you feel tired to do anything but at the same time you don’t feel like sleeping again. You spend the night hours like this, with a lost look thinking about the possible results that could happen with the two options you have. On one hand, you don’t wanna get an abortion, you’d be willing to be a single mom with no problem, you want to give this baby a chance. On the other hand if you give the baby that chance to be born you’d never be able to see them again. You imagine yourself old and alone, still working as a technician, watching the stormtroopers wondering which one of them is your baby. Your heart shrinks at imagining a child alone and without love, afraid of dying in war. Or what if they turn into that stormtrooper who kicked your wrench just to mess up with you? 

A few minutes before 7 am you make your choice, you think it’s the least worse and in which you and your baby can get out of this good.

“Baby” you say out loud, hugging your tummy. “I just want you to know I’m doing this because it’s the best for you, mommy loves so much” you break down in tears. How can someone who you didn’t know their existence until just a few hours ago can affect you like this? “I love you, baby, everything will be okay” you promise to the little bean growing inside of you. Then you grab your holopad and text the doctor your answer.  _Very well, I expect you at 0800 hours_  she replies.

* * *

While you wait for the doctor to attend you, you force yourself to chug down a granola bar and some orange juice. You still aren’t hungry but you don’t wanna pass out during the appointment.

“Miss (L/N), are you ready?” the doctor arrives and as you stand up you shake the crumbles off of your clothes. You feel like you lost your voice so you only nod and follow her to another room.

“Please change into this medical gown and sit there with your legs on the stirrups” she explains you. “Are you sure you want to end this pregnancy?”

“Yes, I am. I’m sure” you feel defeated by life.

* * *

“Ok, so I’m going to introduce the speculum so I can apply the anesthesia and start with the curettage. You’ll feel a light pressure” the doctor indicates you as she introduces the device. A light pressure feels short compared to the pressure of feeling penetrated and opened. Your face contors in pain and you grip your lips trying to stay in silent.

“Anesthesia is already applied. Now I’m gonna introduce the rod to scrape the surface of the uterine cavity and extract the endometrium through the cervix. Did you feel that?” she asks testing if the anesthesia is already working. It must be because only thing you feel is an enormous pain in your heart.

You answer her with your trembling voice and she’s just ready to start with the procedure.

You speak in your mind  _“Goodbye, baby. Mommy will always love you”_  with the silly thought that your baby might be scared and you want their last minutes of life to be peaceful. Your lip quivers and you can feel hot tears in your cheeks.

“Stop the procedure!” the door slamms open. “Get away from her!” a very angry breathy Kylo screams at the doctor.

You get scared by his sudden appearance but you can’t move too much with your vagina opened and your uterus exposed.

“Supreme Leader?” the doctor asks in shocked with the devices in hand. But Kylo ignores her and walks directly to you.

“(Y/N)” he calls you sounding croaky. He touches your face and pleads you, “Please, can we talk about this before you make a decision? Please”.

“What are you doing here?” you say feeling so small and exposed in his presence.

“Please, (Y/N), please” he keeps begging you.

“Miss?” the doctor is waiting for your confirmation to continue.

You must be the most stupid person in the galaxy because you decide to give him one more chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, pregnancy, forced abortion, forced adoption, medical procedures (curettage)


	5. You're a terrible husband

“I’m not going in there” you shake your head as you stand at Kylo’s quarters’ door.

“I’m not trying to sleep with you, I just wanna talk” he knows he deserves that you think the worst of him by the way he has behaved.

“It’s not that. I just don’t wanna get into a ridiculous catfight with your wife” you haven’t seen her face in all this time, don’t even know her name and you don’t need to start now.

“We never shared quarters” he mentions as if it’s s the most obvious thing in the universe.

“Never shared?” you’re confused he’s talking in past tense.

“Please, get inside. I’ll explain it all” he invites you again to his place. You walk in thinking what’s one more mistake.

“Do you want some water or something to drink?” he offers you in an attempt to make you feel at ease.

“No, thanks” you feel nauseous since you were in the medical bay.

“You can sit,” he says looking at the couch.

“I think I’ve never sat here"

 “Yes, you did. That time…”

“That time doesn’t count because I rode you, my butt didn’t touch the couch” you interrupt him.

“Right” he decides is better not to argue with you at this moment.

“How did you know I was…there?” you don’t have the courage to say “abortion”.

“I looked for you yesterday but they told me you were sick. So I came back this morning and I got worried when you weren’t there again. I checked your medical records and see your appointment” he tells you just the facts, not the terror he felt when he thought he wasn’t going to arrive on time.

“Oh,” you simply say.

“(Y/N), why did you want to kill our baby?” Kylo sits next to you looking you dead worried.

“It wasn’t like that” you exclaim. “It was that or giving them to the training program. I thought that at least with the abortion I’d know what happened to them”.

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Kylo shakes his head, upset that you didn’t trust him enough to tell him something so important.

“Kylo, you have a wife. You’re going to have a baby outside your marriage” you sound bitter and grudge.

“Not anymore” he clenches his fists and you’re not sure if you hear him well. “Yesterday she left this ship as we signed the divorce. We never consummate the marriage so it made things easier. Since her purity is untouched she’ll able to marry again with no problem. Plus, I gave her a generous compensation”.

“What?” his words have left you astonished.

“(Y/N)” he turns to his side to look at you and grab your hand. “The day you told me you wanted me and not Matt really hit me. I realized I didn’t give you the place you deserved, I took you for granted. I thought that sex was enough to let you know what you meant to me”.

“You made me feel like I didn’t mean nothing to you” you claim with all your fury. The accumulated tension from the last month is finally going out.

“Exactly. I was a living a double life. That day when you left the supply room I knew that if I did nothing I’d lose you forever. That’s why I didn’t contact you, I needed to fix my life first so I could be the man you deserve” he traces his thumb on your knuckles.

“I don’t deserve anything, I had sex with a married man,” you sob with sorrow.

“Don’t say that. In that case is me who doesn’t deserve you” he smiles at you looking with all the love he feels. “I love you, (Y/N), I love you with all my strength. You’re the one I should have married”.

“What about Hux? What he would say about you marrying a simple technician?” you snort incredulously that Kylo has the courage to do something like that. You’re so upset about how things happened.

“Fuck, Hux. I’m the Supreme Leader, I can do whatever the fuck I want” still holding your hand he kneels in front of you. “And that’s what I’m gonna do. Will you marry me, (Y/N)(L/N)?”

“No, thanks” you scoff at his proposal. “I’ve seen you, you’re a terrible husband”. You can see Kylo’s face going completely blank at your refusal.

“(Y/N), I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I left you alone and you felt the need to get rid of our baby. But I need you to give me the chance to prove you I want to do things differently this time. For you, for our baby” Kylo pleads you. He thought you’d accept his marriage proposal.

“I’m not marrying you” you reject him again. You’ve seen what happen when two persons get married in a hurry. “However, I might consider starting a more solid relationship with you” you look down at how Kylo is still holding your hand, “For the baby, of course”.

“Yeah, for the baby, right” Kylo frowns. You didn’t accept him completely but at least you’re giving in a little.

You half smile, still a little sad, but the sorrow you were feeling since this morning begins to disappear. Kylo might be a douchebag and had shown signs of a typical fuckboy but it seems he’s trying to make things right. And you can’t deny the truth of what your heart feels: you love him too.

“You’re so mean, baby girl” Kylo shakes his head and grabs you by your legs taking you to bed.

“Kylo!” you gasp. “I can’t have sex. The anesthesia makes me feel nothing”.

“That sounds like a dare” he smirks as he lays down in bed with you.

“Kylo!” you gasp for the second time.

“Just kidding, babe. I wanna cuddle with you” you’re both lying on your side and he gets you closer with his arms “What do you think it will be?” he wonders as he caresses your tummy that soon it will show. “I want a girl, so she looks like you”.

“Girls tend to look like their dads” you comb his soft hair.

“Poor girl” he scoffs.

“Hey, don’t say that. You’re very handsome” you protest.

“I love you. I’m gonna make things right this time” he promises you and leans to your mouth.

“You better… because I love you too” you say before you kiss him.

* * *

_Epilogue_

“Marry me,” Kylo says as he thrusts inside of you, your legs tied around his waist.

“No” you pant. This is the second time in the day you and Kylo are making love. You’re four months pregnant and the hormones make you horny all the damn time.

“Fuck, baby, this is the fourth time I ask” Kylo whines feeling your cunt clenching around him.

“Touch my clit” you moan, twisting in pleasure.

“Not until you say yes” Kylo threatens you. You roll your eyes and with your hand, you start doing the job but immediately you feel your hands going above your head.

“Kylo! Not fair, don’t use the Force on me” you scold him and he decides that’s enough torture on you and he rubs your clit in circles, he brags he’s the only that can make you come. Some fuckboys symptoms haven’t disappeared at all.

You tilt your head back with your lips parted, you come with your mouth shaped in an O soaking the sheets and his cock. Soon he follows you, he likes to touch your growing belly when he comes.

“Why don’t you marry me?” he wraps his arms around you when the sex is over.

“I’m not a princess, I don’t need a big ring or a fancy wedding. I love you and I’ll love you forever. I’m sure once the baby arrives we’ll be even happier. But I don’t need to get married” you explain him. You imagine the rest of your life next to Kylo, the future doesn’t scare you nor the thought of forming a big family. You just don’t see yourself wearing a white dress in front of tons of hypocrite people just to prove your love for Kylo.

“One day I’ll catch you distracted and you’ll say yes” Kylo whispers, not sure if he wants you to hear it.

You burst into a laugh at Kylo’s stubbornness. “You won’t ever give up, will you?”

“Never, Mrs. Ren” he brushes his nose against your neck.

“Oh Maker” you laugh more, the things this man come up with. “Just go to sleep, ok? I’ll wake you up for round two”.


End file.
